If I Leave Someone My Home, What do They Really Get?

Creating an estate plan is typically a private matter, not something you share in detail with everyone in your life. After all, what you choose to do with your money and property is your business. Your partner might know what is in your plan, especially if you created it together. But beyond that, does anyone else really need to know? The short answer is yes. There are good reasons for keeping certain aspects of your estate plan to yourself. However, if you keep too many details to yourself—or forget to keep others in the loop—your well-thought-out plan may not work the way you intended. An estate plan cannot work if it is invisible. If no one knows that your plan exists or if no one can access your documents, it may as well not exist. Verbal promises carry no weight—simply telling someone about your goals and wishes is not enough. Your wishes must be properly documented. A Tiered Approach to Divulging Your Plans Keeping an estate plan private makes sense to an extent. That is why people often use a trust- based plan instead of a will-based plan: The latter is subject to the public probate process, and almost anyone can obtain court records of that process and learn details about you, your family, and what you owned at your death. Within your family, you may keep your estate plan private to avoid drama and hurt feelings over who will play a role in your plan and who will receive your money and property at your death. Or you may worry that if word gets out about your plan, others’ opinions will sway your decisions. You may instead prefer to make rational, unemotional choices, removed from the competing voices of friends and family who stand to inherit. While you absolutely have the right to keep your estate plan private, doing so is not always in your best interest. The real question then becomes how do you share something so personal without feeling like you are broadcasting it to the world? The trick is knowing whom to tell what, when to tell them, why to tell them, and how to tell them. “Telling” someone can mean different things, from giving them copies of all your plan documents and keys to your digital vault to letting them know that they are named in the plan and whom to contact later for more details. You might use a tiered communication approach that aims to put the right information in the right hands at the right time to prevent confusion, avoid family disputes, and create as little stress as possible for your trusted decision-makers and beneficiaries. Tier One: Trusted Decision-Makers (Full Access) Who: The people you have legally appointed to act on your behalf, including: ● your spouse or significant other (especially if you planned together, share joint accounts or property, or live in a community property state, or if you appointed them to one of the roles below, since they may need to act quickly or coordinate with other decision-makers) ● a personal representative or executor (carries out the terms of your will and oversees the probate process, if one is needed) ● a trustee and a successor trustee (manages accounts and property that were or will be funded into the trust according to your trust agreement) ● an agent under a financial power of attorney (handles your finances, either immediately or, in some cases, only if you are unable to manage them) ● an agent under a medical power of attorney (makes healthcare decisions if you cannot make them or communicate your wishes) ● a guardian for minor children (provides care for those who rely on you) What: Enough information to act immediately and effectively, including: ● the location of your completed estate planning documents (will, trust, powers of attorney, healthcare directives), including where originals are kept and where copies or electronic versions can be found ● information on how to access these documents if the originals are stored somewhere such as in a safe deposit box or home safe ● a list of everything you own (including financial accounts, real property, business interests, digital assets) ● instructions for special property (for example, businesses, firearms, intellectual property, pets) ● digital storage location and credentials (secure cloud vault, encrypted drive) for any digital assets (emails, business documents, electronic financial accounts) ● contact information for your estate planning attorney ● your wishes and goals, including the choices you have made in your plan and how you want your decision-makers to carry out their responsibilities once they step into their role You may decide that the agents named in your medical power of attorney are less likely to need detailed financial information. However, they should still know where to access your estate planning documents. When: ● as soon as possible after you appoint them to the role ● any time you appoint new decision-makers or change the order in which you have appointed them to serve ● whenever you move your estate planning documents to store them in a new location ● periodically, to confirm that they are still willing and able to serve Why: ● they cannot do their job if they do not know they have been appointed and how to access what they need ● delays in knowing or confusion about who is in charge and where your documents are located can cost money, result in unintended property damage, or cause unnecessary family stress and conflict How: ● meet in person or via video to explain their role and your goals and desires ● provide a written “roadmap” with tasks they will need to perform, a list of everything you own, and key contacts (for example, your financial advisor, attorney, accountant, insurance agent, etc.) ● store digital copies securely and share controlled access with the relevant decision-makers ● confirm that they accept the role and understand the responsibilities Tier Two: Primary Beneficiaries (Selective Access and Strategic Sharing) Who: The individuals or entities you have chosen to inherit from you upon your passing, even if you have not appointed them to any decision-making role, such as: ● spouse or significant other ● children, grandchildren, or other relatives ● friends or nonrelatives ● charities or nonprofits ● religious institutions ● educational institutions You may also choose to share your plans with loved ones who might expect an inheritance, especially if you intend to leave them out, provide for them in other ways (for example, as a direct beneficiary of something or by providing funds to them during your lifetime), or give them less than others in similar relation to you. While the conversation may feel uncomfortable, addressing it now can prevent painful surprises later and ease the burden on your decision- makers and loved ones, who would otherwise be left without your explanation. What: ● the nature of the gift (money, real estate, investments, personal property) ● any obligations attached to the inherited item (taxes, upkeep, management, legal restrictions) ● their right to refuse the gift (disclaim an inheritance), with the caution that the disclaimer must be made before they take ownership or control of the item When: ● the sooner the better if the gift is complex, burdensome, or potentially unwanted ● more flexibility in timing if the gift is straightforward and unlikely to cause issues—but do not wait until it is too late Why: ● prevents surprises that can cause stress or resentment ● allows time for the beneficiary to prepare for upkeep, sale, or management ● gives you a chance to reallocate gifts that might otherwise be refused How: ● communicate in person, by phone, or in writing ● explain expectations or conditions attached to the gift ● for sensitive gifts (disinheritance, unequal shares, heirlooms, pets, business interests), consider having the conversation with your attorney present if you feel uncomfortable addressing it on your own or if you want to create a record of the discussion to demonstrate your intent and legal capacity in the event your plan is contested in the future Failing to plan—and to clearly communicate your wishes—can have the following serious consequences for your estate: ● Safe deposit lockout. The executor cannot find your original will and believes it may be in your safe deposit box at the bank, but their name is not on the account, forcing a court order to open it. ● Forgotten password. Digital estate planning documents are stored in the cloud, but the account credentials were never shared, leaving files permanently inaccessible. ● Disappearing executor or successor trustee. Your named executor or successor trustee moved away years ago, changed phone numbers, and cannot be reached when needed, and you did not appoint a backup. ● Unwanted gift. You leave your classic car to a loved one who you know will treasure it as you did. However, they do not have the space or resources to maintain it and reluctantly refuse the gift. If you did not name a backup beneficiary, the car passes to your residuary beneficiaries, who may not value or appreciate it. ● Long-lost co-owner. If a vacation home left to a nephew is actually co-owned with a distant cousin, your nephew is forced into a joint ownership arrangement that leads to years of awkward and expensive disputes. ● The “final will” problem. Multiple unsigned drafts are found on the decedent’s desk, with no clear final version. Your loved ones are left to argue among themselves and in court over what your true intent was. Legal Advice and Establishing a Need-to-Know Basis for Your Plan Your death is more than an administrative process, but thinking about your estate plan in that way can inform practical choices that make wrapping up your estate smoother for everyone involved. An estate plan works best when paired with a communication plan that shares the right amount of information with the right people at the appropriate time, balancing privacy with transparency and flexibility. If you are unsure how to strike that balance, call us to discuss your plan and devise the best strategy for informing your loved ones. For help with your estate plan, please give us a call at The O'Donnell Law Center in Osage Beach

You love your children and want to ensure that they are always taken care of. The desire to provide for them may also be shared by their grandparents, aunts, and uncles. However, when leaving money and property to minor children, even the best intentions can lead to big problems. Common mistakes can cause chaos for your family. Here is what you need to know to protect and provide for the children you love. Common Mistake: Using a Simple Will to Leave Assets to Minor Children Many parents assume that a simple will is all they need for their estate plan since that is where they can nominate a guardian for their minor children. However, how the inheritances for the children will be handled often gets overlooked. A simple will requires that beneficiaries (even children) receive their inheritances outright in one lump sum. While most parents would prefer that their children receive an inheritance gradually—perhaps at certain ages or milestones—a simple will does not provide that kind of flexibility. Instead, once your child becomes an adult, the law requires the inheritance to be handed over in a single lump sum with no strings attached. Many parents assume this requirement will not be a problem because they believe that the guardian in their will can manage the inheritance for their child’s care. Unfortunately, that is not how the law works. The inheritance does not automatically flow to the guardian but instead legally belongs to the children. And because minors cannot legally hold more than a small amount of money in their own names, the court must step in to appoint someone to manage the funds until the child becomes a legal adult (at age 18 or 21, depending on the state). At that point, whatever is left is turned over to the child in one lump sum with no restrictions. The responsibilities of caring for your children and managing their money are separate and distinct. The court sometimes appoints the same person to handle both. Other times, different people are chosen depending on their strengths.1 In addition to the concern about your child receiving a large sum of money at a young age, there is another complication: Once the inheritance has come under court supervision, the conservator must regularly report back to the judge as to how the money is being used for your child’s benefit. In many cases, they will also need to obtain the court’s prior approval before certain expenditures can be made, which can add delays, extra costs, and ongoing oversight that many families find burdensome. Common Mistake: Failing to Avoid Court Oversight of Your Children’s Inheritance A court conservatorship for your minor children is a slow and likely expensive process that results in a rigid system with many rules. In most cases, nonordinary expenses (those beyond 1 Some states use the word guardian for both roles, while others distinguish between a guardian (who provides care for the child) and a conservator (who manages the child’s money). To clearly distinguish the two roles, this article uses guardian to mean the person caring for the child and conservator to mean the person handling the finances. medical, educational, and normal living expenses) must have prior court approval. Because the court must apply the law the same way in every case, it cannot easily make exceptions for your child’s unique needs. For example, if your child would benefit from extra tutoring or specialized therapy, the court cannot automatically allow those expenses; it would require a separate request and approval process. Keep in mind that every time the conservator must go to court, there are court fees. The conservator may also be entitled to compensation for the time they spend handling the matter, and an attorney will likely need to be involved as well. All these expenses come directly out of your children’s inheritance. Correct Action: Using a Trust to Protect the Child and Their Inheritance So what is a better way? Quite simply, using a trust. One way to use a trust is to create one in your will. Called a testamentary trust, this type of trust allows you to name someone to manage the inheritance (rather than having the court appoint a conservator) and decide when and how your children will receive their inheritance (rather than receiving it in one lump sum when they become a legal adult). However, this type of trust comes into existence only after you die and the will goes through probate. Probate is a court process that can cause delays and expenses that reduce the amount of money available for your children. In addition, because the details of your will and testamentary trust are made public during probate, everyone—including people who might try to take advantage of your children—can see what they inherited. For most families, a better option is to use a revocable living trust. Like a testamentary trust, it lets you choose who will manage money and property for your minor children and how your children receive it. However, unlike a testamentary trust, a revocable living trust comes into existence immediately when you create it, so it can govern how your children receive financial support from you when you are deceased or if you are still alive but become unable to manage your own affairs. Another major advantage of a revocable living trust over a testamentary trust is that it is a private plan that does not require court involvement. With a living trust, you have total control to ● choose the exact age or milestones, such as graduating from college or buying a first home, when your children will receive their inheritance; ● provide for each child’s specific needs and circumstances; and ● protect the inheritance from your children’s creditors, divorcing spouses, or poor spending decisions. A living trust can give your children the continued protection you currently provide them long after you are gone. By using a trust, you are not just leaving a gift; you are protecting what you have worked so hard for, for their benefit. These common mistakes can put your children’s future at risk. Let us create a plan that works exactly as you intend. Contact us today to learn more about how a revocable living trust can protect the people you love most.

Retirement can mean many different things to different people. For some, it opens up a new world of travel, experiences, and creative pursuits. For others, it may herald quiet days at home with a good book, a steaming mug of tea or coffee, and no other plans for weeks. Between those extremes are countless ways to spend one’s postworking years. Like work itself, retirement takes various forms, shaped by practical needs and personal preferences. However, retirement demands one thing above all: adaptability. While the pace of your days may be slower in retirement, life does not stand still. We are living longer, spending more years in retirement, and dealing with new financial and personal realities. Whether you are approaching retirement or already in it, this stage calls for a fresh look at your estate plan and timely adjustments that match your next chapter. Retirement Today: Key Trends Shaping Your Estate Planning Work is not just something we do to make money; rather, we typically see our jobs as a defining part of our identity. However, no matter how much we may like our jobs, or at least recognize the structure and stability they bring, many of us also find that there is more to life than working. Retirement is supposed to be the reward for a lifetime of hard work, and it still is for many Americans. They turn age 65, start collecting Social Security and enroll in Medicare, and begin to do all the things they never previously had time for. The retirement picture has changed over the decades. While it theoretically remains the final phase of the American Dream, retirement for most of us looks much different than it did for our parents or grandparents. These differences reflect cultural changes and evolving financial conditions that shape how we live, work, and, ultimately, retire. Living Longer, Often with Higher Costs Retirees are living longer, increasing the length of their retirement and their expected healthcare expenses. These factors affect how long savings last and may influence estate planning priorities as well. ● As of 2025, the projected life expectancy for Americans who have reached age 65 is 83 years for men and 86 years for women. In 1940, the projected life expectancy for a 65-year- old was 77 years for men and 79 years for women. ● Today, median retirement savings for households aged 55–64 is about $185,000, below many recommended benchmarks. ● About one-third of retirees are very concerned about being able to cover healthcare costs, and for good reason. A 65-year-old retiring today could spend more than $170,000 on healthcare alone during retirement. Estate Planning Perspective: Due to longer lifespans and rising healthcare expenses, your estate plan may need updates to ensure that your lifestyle and legacy goals are supported well into retirement, including provisions for medical care, long-term support, and financial flexibility. Retirement Is Not What It Used to Be Older adults today are often working longer or pursuing encore careers, meaning that retirement does not always start at a set age. Working past traditional retirement age can affect income, assets, and estate-planning timelines. ● The average retirement age is now around age 62, up from age 57 in the early 1990s. In 2023, approximately 19 percent of adults age 65 and older were still working, up from 11 percent in 1987.7 ● Nearly one in four adults age 50 and above who are still working expect to never fully retire,8 and workers age 75 and older are the fastest-growing age group in the workforce, more than quadrupling in size since 1964.9 ● Many retirees pursue part-time work or side ventures,10 adding new assets or income streams to their financial picture. Estate Planning Perspective: Your estate plan should address your current income, any new assets, and the possibility that retirement may start later or look different than you originally expected. Fixed Incomes and Savings Pressures Many retirees rely on fixed income, drawing from Social Security, pensions, or savings. Inflation, market volatility, and healthcare costs can affect how long assets last. ● Nearly 50 percent of adults age 60 and above have household incomes below what is needed for basic living expenses. ● Inflation hits retirees harder than near-retirees because retiree income often does not rise as quickly as prices do. ● Approximately 64 percent of Americans are worried that they will outlive their retirement savings. Estate Planning Perspective: If you rely on fixed income or are drawing down investments, revisiting your estate plan can help protect both your current lifestyle and the financial legacy you intend to leave for loved ones. Shifting Family and Lifestyle Dynamics Downsizing, relocating, or buying new homes later in life is increasingly common, which can significantly affect asset ownership and estate planning priorities. ● Baby boomers, at 42 percent, represent the largest share of home buyers, a significant increase from previous years. ● A growing number of retirees are embracing multigenerational living, often taking the form of sharing a home with children and grandchildren or cohousing, where they live in private homes within a community that shares common spaces and support. ● More retirees are ditching their homes for recreational vehicles (RVs) and year-round life on the road. Estate Planning Perspective: Changes in living arrangements, whether downsizing, moving in with family, or spending extended time on the road, can affect property ownership status, associated taxes, and the effectiveness of your current estate plan. It is important to review how your property is titled, provisions regarding what you would like to happen to your property within any trusts, and beneficiary designations to ensure that all are aligned with your current situation and goals for the future. Staying Active, Traveling, and Lifestyle Considerations Living longer and with better overall health means that retirees today are far from slowing down. Between bucket-list travel, volunteering, and new hobbies, retirement is increasingly more about reinvention than rest. ● Senior travel trends include more “golden gap years”18 or long-term travel among retirees. ● Older Americans are getting out more in retirement, with senior participation rates in outdoor activities such as hiking, camping, and fishing showing a marked rise in recent years.19 ● A growing number of Americans over 65 are launching small businesses to stay active, pursue passions, and have more control over their work in “retirement.”20 Estate Planning Perspective: A more adventurous, entrepreneurial, and mobile retirement can introduce new risks and responsibilities. Tweaking your estate plan to account for business interests, recreational vehicles, new retirement investments, and contingency plans keeps it aligned with how you live today. Thinking More Intentionally About Legacy, Gifting, and Long-Term Care Retirees are increasingly focused on intentional legacy planning, including lifetime gifting and charitable contributions, while balancing higher healthcare costs and the potential need for long- term care as they age. ● More older Americans are embracing a “giving while living” approach to their heirs and inheritance. In fact, older people are also the most likely to make donations to charities. ● Long-term care costs are skyrocketing. Average costs range from more than $150,000 per year for in-home health aide and homemaker services to more than $125,000 per year for a private nursing home room. Estate Planning Perspective: As your priorities shift toward value-driven giving, charitable contributions, and planning for long-term care costs, your estate plan should evolve to reflect not only financial goals but also personal values and the impact you want to leave on your family and community. Revisiting Your Estate Plan: Practical Scenarios for Retirees While retirees and near-retirees have a sense of the cultural and economic forces that are shaping the current retirement landscape, they may be unsure about how these changes should translate to their estate planning decisions. Here are some real-world scenarios that take into account what retirement means today—and what it might mean for your estate plan. Longevity and Healthcare Costs Situation: You are retired, living longer than expected, and facing rising medical or long-term care expenses. Scenarios to evaluate: ● You find yourself relying more on Social Security or pension income than you had originally anticipated. ● Market fluctuations are affecting the sustainability of your retirement portfolio. ● Healthcare, long-term care, or caregiving costs are higher than anticipated. Possible estate planning updates: ● Review and update beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and insurance policies. This is especially important after opening new investment or retirement accounts, rolling over a 401(k) into an individual retirement account (IRA), or purchasing new life insurance or hybrid life and long-term care policies. Even one outdated beneficiary form can derail an otherwise solid estate plan. ● Evaluate tax-efficient withdrawal and distribution strategies, including how required minimum distributions (RMDs), Roth conversions, Social Security timing, and Medicare premium brackets may affect both your lifetime cash flow and the assets ultimately passing to your beneficiaries. ● Review long-term care planning options such as incorporating provisions for incapacity, updating powers of attorney, or considering a trust structure designed to help protect assets from future care expenses (based on your state’s laws and eligibility rules). Health and Lifestyle Adjustments Situation: A new medical diagnosis, evolving long-term care needs, or living in multiple states is prompting changes in your medical or personal planning. Scenarios to evaluate: ● You or your spouse has received a chronic or progressive health diagnosis. ● You want to remain safely at home with appropriate in-home care or are considering assisted living as part of your long-term care strategy. ● You split time between residences in different states—each with different rules for healthcare documents, guardianship, and Medicaid eligibility. Possible estate planning updates: ● Update healthcare directives and powers of attorney to confirm that your chosen agents are still appropriate and that documents comply with the requirements of every state where you live or may receive medical care. This includes health care proxies, Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) releases, and durable financial powers of attorney. ● Revise your living will or advance directive to reflect your current preferences for treatment, end-of-life care, pain management, and life-sustaining procedures. ● Review your long-term care strategy, such as exploring traditional or hybrid long-term care insurance, Veterans’ benefits, or state-specific Medicaid planning strategies designed to help preserve assets while meeting eligibility requirements if care needs escalate. ● Consider trust structures for incapacity planning, such as a revocable living trust or, in some states, an irrevocable trust designed for long-term care or asset protection, depending on the timing of your planning and applicable laws. ● Coordinate medical and legal planning across states, especially if you own real property in more than one jurisdiction or if your primary residence for healthcare purposes differs from your legal domicile. Property Changes and Relocation Situation: You sold a long-term residence, acquired new property, or moved to another state. Scenarios to evaluate: ● You purchased a new primary or vacation home. ● You joined a multigenerational household or cohousing community. ● You relocated to a state with different probate, tax, or property rules. Possible estate planning updates: ● Retitle newly purchased real estate, vehicles, or other assets in the name of your trust to avoid probate. ● Review estate planning documents under the laws of your new state of residence to ensure compliance. ● Confirm homestead, property tax, or community property implications of your new state of residence. Family Changes and Evolving Relationships Situation: A marriage, a divorce, or a birth has shifted your priorities. Scenarios to evaluate: ● Your children or grandchildren have new partners or are expanding their own families. ● Your stepchildren or other dependents should be added to or excluded from your estate plan. ● You provide ongoing financial support to family members. Possible estate planning updates: ● Revise your will or trust to include or exclude beneficiaries as appropriate. ● Add letters of intent explaining any unequal distributions to help reduce family conflict. ● Update your guardianship, trustee, or executor appointments to reflect current relationships. Intentional Legacy, Gifting, and Philanthropy Situation: You wish to give gifts during your lifetime, leave charitable contributions at your death, or pass along personal values to your loved ones. Scenarios to evaluate: ● You intend to provide financial gifts to family members or loved ones during your lifetime, either annually or through larger strategic transfers. ● You are considering charitable giving, such as donor-advised funds, charitable trusts, or planned bequests. ● You want to document and share your values, life lessons, or hopes for how inherited assets will be used by future generations. Possible estate planning updates: ● Review your revocable living trust to ensure that it reflects your gifting goals, incorporates charitable intentions, and simplifies the transfer of assets to beneficiaries and charitable organizations. ● Integrate gifting or charitable strategies into your estate plan to optimize taxes and enhance the impact of your legacy. ● Document your legacy beyond the legal documents by creating an ethical will, legacy letter, or family mission statement expressing your values, stories, lessons, and intentions for the assets you are passing on. ● Coordinate with your financial advisor to ensure that gifting aligns with your own financial security, tax profile, and long-term planning needs. Lifetime gifts should support—not undermine—your ability to maintain quality of life. Planning for Change The transition to retirement can reshape nearly every aspect of your financial and personal life. Your estate plan should evolve alongside it. As retirement stretches longer than ever, what once seemed sufficient in your original plan may no longer meet your needs. Lifestyle changes, family dynamics, and financial realities all influence the effectiveness of your estate planning documents. It can be helpful to pause at major life milestones such as retirement to reflect, revisit, and reevaluate how life will be different moving forward and to take actions that support the new circumstances of your next chapter. Call us today at The O'Donnell law Center and let us help.

Beyond the practical purpose of transferring assets and reducing taxes, an estate plan reflects love, responsibility, and values. That emotional heaviness may be part of why many families avoid the subject. Pew Research reports that only about 3 in 10 US adults have created a basic estate plan (a will and a living will or advance directive), and most do not have these documents until their 70s. Pew also found that, while most parents age 65 and older have talked to their adult children about end-of-life preferences, a large percentage still have not. ● Thirty-two percent have not discussed medical decision-making. ● Thirty-four percent have not discussed what to do with belongings. ● Fifty-six percent have not discussed future living arrangements. ● Only 20 percent have made burial or funeral plans. Parents over age 75 are more likely to have had these discussions, but the overall numbers remain low. The hesitation is not limited to documents; it extends to conversations as well. Financial advisory firm Edward Jones found that more than one-third of Americans do not plan to discuss wealth transfers. Although it is important that “the talk” happen before “the transfer,” only 27 percent of adults with children have discussed generational wealth. A separate 2025 study found that death and estate planning ranked among the most uncomfortable family topics, trailing only sex and relationships, and on par with life regrets and mental health. Notably, people think about death far more often than they talk about it: Nearly one in five say they think about their own mortality daily, yet only 17 percent have thought about who will inherit their possessions. Nearly half say that they do not feel that asking about their inheritance is appropriate. When people articulate reasons for avoiding planning, the reasons are often mundane: ● Unnecessary: They think planning is unnecessary because they do not have enough assets or anyone to leave them to. ● Procrastination: They have put off planning and just have not gotten around to it. ● Lack of knowledge: They have not created a plan because they do not know where to start and are often intimidated by initiating the planning process. ● Cost: They avoid planning because they think it is too expensive and do not fully understand its value. Surveys show the same themes year after year. How to Have “the Talk”: Estate Planning Conversation Starters Procrastination often masks deeper worries: fear of death or losing independence, privacy concerns, or the sense that an estate plan must be perfect. A practical estate planning attorney may strive to meet people where they are and start small. Psychologists agree that breaking big tasks into smaller pieces helps people break their decision paralysis and move from avoidance to action. Here is one approach to begin the conversation with aging parents about their estate plan. Choose the Right Moment Estate planning conversations do not usually belong at holiday dinners, large family gatherings, or moments already charged with emotion. Those settings are fertile ground for miscommunication, defensiveness, or someone feeling ambushed. Choose a calm, private time, such as an unhurried afternoon, a coffee together, or a quiet walk. The more relaxed the environment, the more naturally the topic can unfold instead of feeling forced. Ask Open-Ended Questions Approach the topic with curiosity instead of conclusions. Instead of saying, “You need a will,” you might try the following: ● “Have you thought about how you would want things handled if you got sick?” ● “What matters most to you as you think about the future?” ● “Are there things you would want us to know, just in case something happens to you?” Open-ended questions go beyond mere information gathering. They give your parent room to express preferences, fears, or assumptions and reduce the sense that you are pushing an agenda that benefits only yourself. Explain the Benefits Without Pressure Most aging parents understand on some level that estate planning matters. What they may not fully appreciate is the relief it can bring them and their loved ones. Try to frame the conversation around the following benefits (rather than obligations): ● thoughtfully transitioning their legacy ● ensuring that their wishes are honored ● reducing stress and potential sibling conflict ● avoiding court delays, guardianship issues, and other legal complications By dialing down the pressure and reframing estate planning topics, you can avoid unnecessarily scaring them or imposing burdens on them. You are helping them understand that planning is in their best interests and for the good of the family. Offer to Help (Not Take Over) Some parents worry that discussing estate planning means surrendering independence or inviting their children into private financial matters. You can ease that concern by positioning yourself as a facilitator instead of a manager. Try language such as the following: ● “I’m here to support whatever you decide.” ● “If you want, I can help you organize your important documents or schedule an appointment, but everything is ultimately your call.” ● “We can move at your pace.” Reassure parents that they maintain full agency. You are simply helping them get from intention to action. Keeping the Conversation Going “The talk” needs to be an ongoing, evolving dialogue. A parent who resists today may revisit the topic next month, next year, or after something changes. You can respect boundaries while keeping the door open. However, the estate planning window does not stay open forever. The time to plan is before a crisis hits. When the need for an estate plan arises, it is often too late to start one. Here are some ways to gently keep the conversation alive. Respect Their Boundaries (but Leave Room for Later) People tend to double down when pressed. If your parents shut the conversation down, pushing harder can often backfire. Acknowledge their feelings and signal openness: “We do not have to talk about it now. We can start the conversation whenever you are ready.” Simply giving someone permission to step away can lower the emotional temperature enough for them to return to the topic later. Start Small with a Low-Stakes Topic Estate planning can feel overwhelming when framed as one big, heavy decision. Breaking the topic into smaller, more manageable pieces can make it less intimidating and help them see planning as a series of simple routine tasks instead of a single life-altering occurrence. Healthcare wishes are one of the easiest and most familiar entry points for many people. Asking about the basics, such as preferred doctors, hospital choice, emergency contacts, or who should make medical decisions if they cannot, can naturally lead to broader discussions about powers of attorney, living wills, and other planning documents. Use Relevant Life Events or News as Gentle Openers Parents may become more receptive to planning after something—a friend’s or relative’s illness, a sudden hospitalization, or a celebrity estate story in the news—brings the issue closer to home. Simply asking, “Did you see what happened with . . . ?” can put the topic in context and make it feel less personal and less threatening, creating space for productive conversation. Introduce a Trusted Third Party When the Time Is Right Some aging parents open up more easily to a neutral professional than to their own children. A family attorney, financial advisor, accountant, or faith leader can provide perspective without the emotional complexity and years of baggage that can cloud parent-child conversations. You might say, “If you would rather talk to someone outside the family, I can help set up a meeting” or “Would it help to get a neutral opinion?” These prompts can help keep you in a supportive role without making your parent(s) feel judged or pressured. When Talk Turns to Action: Practical Estate Planning Steps to Take Next Once you see the seeds you planted with your parents grow into full-fledged estate planning arrangements, you can initiate follow-up actions that keep their plan accessible, actionable, and up to date. Store Estate Planning Documents in the Right Places A complete plan is helpful only if it can be found. Ensure that you and your parents know where their original documents (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare directives) are located and encourage them to store copies in a secure but accessible place. Build in multiple redundancies to ensure access. A fireproof safe along with cloud storage provides at least two points of access. Storing documents with their attorney, if offered as an option, is a third. Wherever documents are stored, there must be no questions about where to find them and who has access. The goal is to avoid scavenger hunts during a crisis. Understand Who Has Authority Estate planning documents should designate people to make decisions if your parents cannot. It is important to understand who these individuals are and what their roles entail. Such roles include financial agents under a power of attorney, healthcare proxies, successor trustees, and personal representatives named in a will. If you or a sibling has been named, clarity now can prevent confusion later. If someone outside the family has been appointed, it is equally important to understand how to reach them. Review Key Financial and Legal Contacts Encourage your parents to create (or update) a list of the following important types of professionals and institutions connected to their plan: ● their estate planning attorney ● a financial advisor or wealth manager ● insurance agents ● a certified public accountant or tax preparer ● bank and investment account contacts ● pension or retirement plan administrators A simple one-page contact sheet can save time and stress in an emergency and prevent important information from disappearing into old files or forgotten inboxes. Encourage Periodic Updates The bulk of the work is done when a plan is created. But estate planning is not a one-and-done task. Life changes, laws change, relationships evolve, and assets shift. Encourage your parents to review their documents every few years or after major milestones such as a marriage, a divorce, a birth, a death, a move, or a significant financial change. Even small updates such as changing beneficiaries or replacing an outdated healthcare agent can have a major impact on how smoothly the plan works. Less Talk, More Action They have watched you grow up. Now it is your turn to help them age confidently, gracefully, and purposefully. An estate plan does not come together in a day. It is the culmination of a lifetime and can affect many lives, which is all the more reason to turn thoughts into plans and plans into action. Whether you need a conversation starter or somebody to seal the deal, The O'Donnell law Center is here to help you and your parents. Contact us today and let us go to work for you.

We all have different ways of giving and receiving love, and those preferences can reveal a great deal about us. You may be the type who expresses love with words, telling people you care about them or crafting carefully worded messages for someone when they need encouragement. Or maybe you prefer physical affection such as hugging and holding hands to show how you feel. Others express love through gifts: flowers, perfectly chosen birthday presents, or a surprise spa day. For many, love dwells in shared moments or in quiet, selfless acts that make someone else’s life easier. How we express our love for others and how we prefer to have love shown to us is known as our love language, a term popularized in a self-help book from the 1990s. We may speak one love language when we give love and another when we receive it. Depending on our personality, our expressions of love can be far-reaching and obvious or small and subtle. Estate planning is a love language all of its own that can communicate care not only through gifts of money and property but also through the act of planning for what will eventually happen to us. It is a way of showing love to the people who depend on us by creating clarity and support so that they are not left guessing or scrambling when we are no longer here. Where the Term Love Language Comes From The phrase love language entered the cultural lexicon in 1992 with the publication of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Chapman’s basic idea is simple: People give and receive love in five distinct ways: ● words of affirmation ● quality time ● physical touch ● acts of service ● gifts His book came at a time when American culture was starting to encourage more emotional transparency and self-expression. It also overlapped with and helped fuel a broader cultural movement toward approachable psychology for ordinary readers, later seen in works such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The Estate Planning Paradox: Some Ideas Remain Off-Limits Over the past three decades, the idea of different love languages has moved far beyond its original relationship-counseling context. It has become shorthand for how we show care, responsibility, and emotional investment in the people who matter most to us—all themes that also fit naturally with estate planning. However, while self-help, emotional openness, and the love-language framework now seem part of a ubiquitous cultural movement toward emotional fluency, talking about death and estate planning continues to be substantially taboo. Most people still avoid discussing the following topics: ● who will care for them ● how they want to die ● how they want their assets to pass ● family expectations and responsibilities ● long-term care needs ● future burdens placed on their children or partners Even emotionally fluent individuals and families often avoid end-of-life conversations because they may feel morbid or triggering. A 2025 survey from Pew Research, for example, found that parents and their adult children often avoid talking about topics such as medical decision- making, long-term living arrangements, and future burial plans. Another 2025 study revealed that death and estate planning ranked as the second-most-difficult topic to discuss with family. The same number of respondents (25 percent) rated end-of-life conversations as uncomfortable as discussions about mental health. We may have become more expressive about our feelings in life but not about what happens after life. Admitting that you may someday lose your independence clashes with our cultural emphasis on self-determination and autonomy, forcing us to confront a potential loss of control—a situation our culture is uniquely uncomfortable with. How Each Love Language Shows Up in an Estate Plan Emotional transparency, it turns out, has its limits. Even though openness is demonstrably higher than it has ever been in our culture, estate planning rates remain frozen in time and, by some measures, are lower than ever. The irony is that estate planning can communicate care more powerfully than many of the love languages we use each day. Consider how each love language may show up in your estate plan. Words of Affirmation: Clear, Considerate Communication About Wishes Estate planning, with its legalese and technical terminology, can seem unapproachable. At the simplest level, though, an estate plan is a set of documents that communicates meaning and intentionality. Words of affirmation result when someone ● talks openly with family members about their values and intentions; ● tries to reduce confusion or hurt by explaining why they made certain decisions; or ● leaves instructions that make loved ones feel respected and remembered. Estate planning parallel: People want to feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe. Estate planning gives your loved ones the reassurance of knowing exactly what you want and why. It removes ambiguity—the emotional friction that often leads to hurt or conflict—and shows them that they are appreciated and protected. Documents that speak this love language: ● Letters of intent or ethical wills that express your values, hopes, and motivations ● Explanatory statements in a will or trust that help loved ones understand the why behind your decisions ● Advance directives that clearly communicate your medical preferences Acts of Service: The Planning Process Itself It is not a stretch to say that estate planning is an act of service built on performing helpful, thoughtful deeds such as the following: ● handling difficult decisions about your healthcare, incapacity, and end-of-life preferences ahead of time ● protecting vulnerable beneficiaries ● organizing information necessary for estate administration in a simple, followable format Estate planning parallel: People feel loved when someone reduces their load, especially during moments of stress and uncertainty. A well-designed estate plan quietly shoulders future legal, financial, and emotional burdens so your family does not have to carry them in the hardest moments. Documents that speak this love language: ● Financial powers of attorney that empower someone to manage your financial affairs ● Healthcare proxies that designate trusted medical decision-makers ● Funeral or disposition instructions that spare your loved ones immediate logistical stress Gift Giving: The Legacy You Purposefully Design An estate plan is not merely about money and gifts, but it does involve a strong element of gift giving. In this case, the giver is leaving their most valuable assets and prized possessions to family, friends, and charities, reinforcing relationships and building emotional bonds with tangible items. The love language of gift giving can be seen in ● choosing who receives your most treasured personal items and charitable gifts; ● funding education or setting up long-term support for your children, grandchildren, or other loved ones; and ● ensuring that your assets transfer smoothly through proper titling and designations. Estate planning parallel: People want to feel remembered and cherished. Planning turns inheritance into meaning and elevates gifts to something more than material transfer. Whether it is money, a family heirloom, or a charitable gift, it communicates “this mattered to me, and so do you.” The way assets pass under a solid estate plan—clearly, legally, and efficiently—is also its own gift. Documents that speak this love language: ● Specific bequests in a will for sentimental items or family heirlooms ● Charitable gifts or foundations that carry personal meaning ● Life insurance designations crafted to provide financial stability for your loved ones Quality Time: Planning That Preserves Time, Memory, and Connection Quality time is about presence and togetherness. Think of moments from your life that have the greatest meaning. They were probably not spent alone; rather, you shared them with others, which is usually why they mean so much. Our time is limited, and how we spend it speaks volumes about what (and whom) we care about. Quality time in an estate plan looks like ● reducing conflict so that your loved ones can grieve and support one another; ● making end-of-life decisions in advance, preventing rushed or painful choices; and ● creating opportunities for future generations to connect (e.g., family trusts with shared purpose). Estate planning parallel: People want to feel connected and prioritized. A well-organized estate plan gives your loved ones the time and emotional space they need to console, remember, and be together without distraction. Documents that speak this love language: ● Guardianship designations that provide clarity and protection for children ● Well-structured trusts that minimize disputes and promote harmony ● Probate-avoidance tools (such as beneficiary designations or transfer-on-death arrangements) that simplify administration and free up emotional space Physical Touch: Security and Protection When You Cannot Physically Be There Physical contact builds and reinforces emotional bonds. Psychologically, it represents protection, security, and comfort, which most people need to feel loved. When you are physically incapacitated or gone, estate planning can play a deeply symbolic role that reinforces the power of human touch. Even when you are not physically present, estate planning mirrors the love language of physical touch through ● choosing trusted agents who will advocate for you; ● long-term care planning that shields your loved ones from overwhelming caregiving responsibilities; and ● life insurance and other financial protections for the future, which offer a kind of metaphorical embrace. Estate planning parallel: Planning provides protection at a moment of great vulnerability. Medical directives, care instructions, and trusted decision-makers form a protective boundary around your loved ones, helping them feel safe and grounded and conveying an emotional steadiness they can feel even in your absence. Documents that speak this love language: ● Medical directives and living wills that ensure that your care aligns with your wishes ● Long-term care instructions that safeguard your loved ones from overwhelming responsibilities ● Trust provisions for disability or incapacity that create a protective framework for ongoing support. Translate Your Love Language into Planning Actions Dr. Chapman and his work on the five love languages gave us a powerful framework to discuss what can sometimes be hard to put into words. He made emotions more approachable and relationships more manageable in a simplified format that has remained relevant more than 30 years after publication. Your estate plan can serve the same role by staying relevant long after it is created. At The O'Donnell Law Center, we can help translate the love languages of the people who matter most to you into the language of estate planning with documents that reflect your voice, protect your legacy, and communicate care in a way that your loved ones will feel for years to come.

Receiving news that you need major surgery is never easy. Preparing for work absences, planning for childcare and household responsibilities, and understanding the procedure itself and your recovery timeline may be among the things you are worried about. If you have only a short time (weeks or days) to react, focusing on the essentials is key. Reviewing your estate plan is among those crucial to-do items. Make the best use of your time by considering the following urgent steps. Who to Call and What to Update Your Estate Planning Attorney After notifying loved ones of your impending surgery, your first call to a professional should be to your estate planning attorney. Time is of the essence, and your attorney can quickly triage the documents that provide the most immediate protection for you and your family. ● Review existing documents. Ensure that your estate planning documents, such as a will, trust, and powers of attorney, are up to date and accurately reflect your current assets and wishes. Life changes such as marriage, divorce, the addition of new children or grandchildren, or a new home can quickly make old documents irrelevant. ● Update personal representatives and heirs. Confirm that the executor or personal representative named in your will and the trustee named in your trust are still the people you want managing your affairs. Separately, review beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement plans, and investment accounts, because those designations typically control the transfer (meaning the beneficiary designation can override what your will or trust says). ● Create (or update) a will or trust. Although it may be difficult to set up a trust or complex will in a limited amount of time, your attorney may be able to quickly update the provisions of an existing trust or will. If you have no will or trust, an attorney can usually prepare a straightforward will on an expedited basis to cover your most significant probate assets (accounts and property without a named beneficiary). One advantage of using a trust is the avoidance of probate (the court process of validating a will and distributing assets); even though a will cannot avoid probate, it does allow you to name the person who will be responsible for administering your estate, specify who your beneficiaries will be and how they will inherit, and, if applicable, allow you to nominate a guardian for minor children. Your Healthcare Power of Attorney You should also contact your healthcare agent (the person named in your healthcare power of attorney or advance directive) to notify them of your surgery and the timing. ● Review wishes. Take a few minutes to review your wishes with them, especially any updates on end-of-life care, pain management, and specific interventions (e.g., resuscitation, ventilation, feeding tubes, or transfusions), so they can confidently act as your voice if you cannot communicate. ● Confirm availability. Ensure that your agent will be reachable and ready to respond during your surgery and immediate recovery period. It is also wise to confirm that you have named a backup agent in your estate planning documents in case your primary agent is unavailable. ● Execute a new document if needed. If you do not have a healthcare power of attorney in place, now is the time to get one. This document can usually be completed on short notice. What Documents to Prioritize At a minimum, you should ensure the following documents are in place. Together, they protect your medical care and financial well-being if you become temporarily incapacitated (unable to manage your affairs) and help ensure that your plan is carried out if something unexpected happens. ● Living will: States your specific wishes regarding life-sustaining medical treatment (e.g., ventilators, feeding tubes) if you are unable to communicate; in some states or situations, a separate physician-signed order (often called POLST or MOLST) may also be needed ● Healthcare power of attorney: Designates a trusted person (your healthcare agent) to make all medical decisions for you if you are unable to ● Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) authorization form: Gives named people, such as your attorney or loved ones, permission to access medical information and speak with your providers; without this document, your medical care team may be prevented from sharing information due to privacy laws ● Financial power of attorney: Authorizes named people to handle finances on your behalf, including paying bills, managing accounts, accessing records, and filing taxes ● Will: Controls the distribution of probate assets at death and allows you to nominate an executor or personal representative and a guardian for minor children ● Trust: If you have a trust in place, ensure that it reflects your current wishes and is funded (i.e., assets are properly titled in the trust’s name), so that it can function as intended Short on Time? If time is extremely limited, prioritize the most urgent step: formally naming the key people who can act for you—your healthcare agent, your financial agent, and (if you have minor children) a guardian. Once those roles are filled, communicate your wishes clearly to each person so they are not left guessing in a high-pressure situation. In addition, draft a thorough list of your assets (belongings, money, and property), their locations, and any identifying information, which will save time and stress if your loved ones need to step in. Your assets include all your financial accounts, insurance policies, property deeds, safety deposit box locations, and passwords. Do not overlook planning for digital assets, which may include email accounts, social media profiles, or cryptocurrency, all of which are governed by different policies regarding postdeath access. Documenting login information and instructions for your named agent can prove vital. Finally, ensure that your loved ones have your attorney’s contact information and know where your original signed estate planning documents are physically located. While estate planning may be the last thing you want to do before major surgery, taking these urgent steps can give you peace of mind. Knowing that you have prepared for any possible outcome and that your loved ones will not be left to guess your intentions during a difficult time is an incredible gift. At The O'Donnell Law Center, we are here to assist you in getting your most important documents in order.

They do not get the unlimited marital deduction. Married US citizen spouses can generally transfer unlimited amounts of money between each other during life or upon death in various qualifying ways without any gift or estate tax concerns. This unlimited marital deduction delays any estate taxes until after the survivor dies. However, lifetime gifts to a noncitizen spouse and inheritance upon a citizen spouse’s death for a surviving noncitizen spouse are not eligible for the unlimited marital deduction. Instead, a US citizen spouse should set up a qualified domestic trust (QDOT), which gives their noncitizen spouse the benefit of the unlimited marital deduction while ensuring that any taxes due will be paid after the noncitizen spouse passes away. There are special rules governing QDOTs. For example, the noncitizen spouse must generally be the trust’s sole beneficiary while alive, and there must be a US trustee. The noncitizen spouse generally receives all the income that the trust property generates during the remainder of the survivor’s lifetime, but generally cannot receive principal without incurring an estate tax penalty. Jointly owned property is treated differently. If a married couple jointly owns a home, it is generally assumed to belong to both spouses equally when both are US citizens, with each spouse owning a 50 percent share of the home. Therefore, when either spouse dies, only 50 percent of the value of the shared asset is included in the deceased spouse’s estate for estate tax purposes. However, if one spouse is a noncitizen, this presumption may not apply. For example, if the US citizen spouse dies first and the jointly owned home is worth $200,000, the entire $200,000—instead of $100,000—will be included in the deceased spouse’s taxable estate unless the noncitizen spouse proves they have contributed a certain amount toward the home. There is no unlimited gifting. Generally, US citizen spouses can make unlimited gifts to each other during life without having to pay the federal gift tax, as long as the gifts qualify for the unlimited marital deduction. However, if a US citizen spouse makes a gift to their noncitizen spouse that exceeds the annual limit ($194,000 for 2026), the gifting citizen spouse may need to either use a portion of their lifetime exemption to cover the amount in excess or incur a gift tax liability. Remember state estate and inheritance taxes. Depending on where a couple lives, state estate or inheritance taxes may apply even if no federal tax is due, because the thresholds for state estate taxes may be lower than the threshold for federal estate taxes. Contact Us Regardless of the citizenship status of your family members or loved ones, it is crucial to create a well-thought-out estate plan to provide for them in the way you intend and to minimize your potential tax liability. Contact us today at The O'Donnell law Center to design an estate plan that addresses your unique circumstances and needs.

You have probably heard of the gender pay gap. But there is also another common disparity: the estate planning gender gap. Although the two are interrelated to some extent—earning less than men puts women on an unequal path to investment and retirement savings, and women generally spend more than men on healthcare in retirement—the specific reasons behind the gap in estate planning deserve their own consideration. The overall rate of estate planning in the United States is low, with less than one-quarter of Americans having a basic will.1 Within those already low numbers, men are more likely than women to have formal estate plans. This disparity is due not simply to differences in income or asset levels but also to timing, priorities, and the roles men and women tend to occupy over the course of their lives. Closing the estate planning gap may be addressed at an individual level through education, conversations, and professional guidance. From the Pay Gap to the Planning Gap The gender pay gap—the average difference in earnings between women and men—shows that women typically earn less than their male counterparts for similar full-time work. While the gap has narrowed over time and varies across groups and locations, it has persisted for decades. At the same time, women generally need larger nest eggs than men due to having a longer life expectancy (81 years for women versus 76 years for men).2 Living longer can also result in higher healthcare costs in retirement. Retirement healthcare cost estimates are $150,000 for men and $165,000 for women.3 Yet women are less likely than men to have an estate plan—a gap that can magnify the financial risks created by gender disparities in earnings, savings, and longevity. Strategies for Proactive Planning Closing the gender gap in estate planning is about more than just drafting documents; it is about ensuring that your financial legal structure is as resilient as your life demands. Here is how to take command of the process. Prioritize literacy over technicalities. Estate planning is often shrouded in highly technical legal language that can serve as a barrier to entry. Focus first on foundational concepts: how a trust protects privacy, how powers of attorney ensure continuity of care, and why healthcare directives are essential for maintaining autonomy. 1 Danika Miller, Worst States in Which to Die Without a Will in 2025, Caring (Feb. 11, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/worst-states-to-die-without-a-will-2025. 2 CDC: Life Expectancy Up, Mortality Down in 2023, Am. Hosp. Ass’n (Dec. 19, 2024), https://www.aha.org/news/headline/2024-12-19-cdc-life-expectancy-mortality-down-2023. 3 Javier Simon, You’ll Need Way More Money Than You Think for Health Care Costs in Retirement, Money (May 16, 2022), https://money.com/healthcare-costs-retirement-fidelity-study-2022. Align your estate plan with your values. For many women, wealth management is a tool for stability. Form your estate plan as a protection strategy rather than just a transfer of assets. By focusing on preserving independence and reducing the burden on loved ones during times of uncertainty, the planning process becomes a proactive extension of your existing responsibilities. Initiate conversations early. Do not put off having conversations with partners and beneficiaries to clarify decision-making roles and values. Treating these discussions as business meetings for the family removes the emotional weight and ensures that your intentions are documented long before they are needed. Demand transparency and clarity. Estate planning can sometimes feel abstract. Insist on clear projections, such as charts or summaries that outline exactly who makes decisions under specific circumstances. If a professional cannot explain a strategy in clear, actionable terms, they are not the right partner for your goals. Adopt an iterative approach. An estate plan is a living document, not a static event. Given that women often navigate complex career paths and caregiving roles, your plan should be reviewed every three to five years. Start with the essentials, such as naming healthcare decision-makers or organizing key documents, and introduce more complex trust or tax strategies as your assets and life circumstances evolve. Partner with professionals who value your perspective. Estate planning should feel open and collaborative. Seek out financial and legal professionals who practice active listening and respect your goals and concerns. A good advisor should act as a collaborator, translating legal and financial complexity into strategic choices that reflect your reality. If you are ready to talk about savings, retirement, and wealth management in a way that reflects the modern realities of women, reach out to us to start the conversation.

What to Do with Grandma’s Ring: Dividing Personal Property in an Estate If you have a beloved late grandmother, many images and memories may come to mind when you reminisce about her. You might picture her at her home or at the family vacation house during the holidays. Your memory could be a special meal that only she prepared for you or a place she took you to. Or maybe you remember a piece of jewelry she always wore—one that several family members are eyeing as you go through the personal property in her estate. The little things in life can sometimes have sentimental value as well as financial value. For these reasons, personal items of the deceased can often create controversy when it is time to divide up belongings and there is no clear plan for who gets what. Trash, Treasure, and Heirlooms Discussions about who gets the car, the house, the silver, the stocks, and other big-ticket items take center stage in an estate plan: people often spend a great deal of time deciding how their largest assets will be divided among their loved ones. But small items can cause big disputes between family members, especially if more than one person wants the same thing and it is not specifically accounted for in an estate plan. Jewelry is a perfect example of something physically small but potentially worth more emotionally and monetarily than any other property or account in someone’s possession. By the age of 50, many women own upwards of 150 pieces of jewelry. The likelihood of someone dying and leaving behind jewelry is therefore quite high. Yet while people usually remember the stories behind certain pieces, they may not know how much money their jewelry collection is actually worth. Take, for example, a British woman who got an appraisal of a diamond ring that she purchased for $13 decades earlier at the UK equivalent of a yard sale, assuming it was costume jewelry. She learned that it had an estimated value between $325,000 and $450,000. The ring later sold at auction for around $850,000. Stories like these are more common than one might imagine. To prevent future conflict among loved ones, jewelry owners would be wise to inventory the value of key pieces in their jewelry collection and leave clear and legally binding instructions for how the collection is to be divided. Residuary Clauses and the Residuary Estate Items of personal property like heirlooms and jewelry, although individually small, can collectively make up a large part of a deceased person’s property. They may be treated as an afterthought and lumped together in a will or trust with their distribution being addressed through what is known as a residuary clause or a remainder clause. A residuary clause might simply state that whatever property remains after specific gifts have been made (i.e., the residuary estate) should go to a single person or be divided among multiple people. This simple statement on paper, however, can turn into a complex situation when there are competing claims to the same item. Single Residuary Beneficiary When just one person inherits the residuary estate, an executor, personal representative, or trustee should not encounter any significant distribution issues. That beneficiary receives Grandma’s ring and any other personal property that Grandma did not specifically gift to a particular individual. It is now their property, and they can do with it whatever they want. They can choose to wear the ring, reset it, sell it, or let it sit in their jewelry box. Multiple Residuary Beneficiaries Issues arise when the residuary estate is left to multiple beneficiaries. Generally, the residuary estate is a pool of assets without a clear set of terms for how that pot is divided. Sometimes, the beneficiaries themselves are tasked with the job of dividing the personal effects among themselves; other times, the executor, personal representative, or trustee gets to decide. Ideally, the beneficiaries can come to an agreement about who receives the ring and other property that does not have a designated beneficiary. Different items hold different meanings to different people. It is possible that each beneficiary has their heart set on a different item or set of items, and there is a neat division with no overlap and no quarrels. In cases where more than one family member is interested in the same item, the best-case scenario is that they can reach a peaceful resolution, perhaps involving trading other sought- after items. If there is an impasse, beneficiaries could sell the item in question and divide the proceeds equally. Another option is for one beneficiary to buy out the other beneficiary’s interest in the item. They could also draw straws or flip a coin. The solution may depend on whether the dispute is over a single item, like a ring, or over multiple items, resulting in a breakdown in the peaceful division of items. Beneficiaries may look to the executor or personal representative of the estate or to the trustee of a family trust for answers. If clear instructions are not provided in the deceased person’s will or trust, the executor or trustee may have some discretion about how to carry out the decedent’s wishes. At the very least, they may be able to mediate to reach a solution. Executors or trustees who are also beneficiaries of the estate may have to proceed with extra caution to avoid conflicts of interest. As for who gets Grandma’s ring—or her pie plate, antique rocking chair, or anything else that belonged to her and does not have a named beneficiary—heirs, trustees, and executors need to brace for the possibility of an unresolved conflict that escalates to a legal dispute. The Value of an Estate Plan Sometimes, the best strategy for distributing personal possessions is to give things away while the owner is living. Asking loved ones what they want in advance can give everyone—including Grandma—a voice in the discussion about what to do with her belongings. This can provide more options for dividing possessions fairly and equally, either in person or through a will or trust. A thorough estate plan also goes a long way toward avoiding family fights over heirlooms and keepsakes. Without proper estate planning, the odds of a family conflict increase. At the O'Donnell Law Center, we're here for all of your planning and post-planning needs. In addition to helping people plan for how they want their personal possessions to be distributed after their death, we can assist executors and trustees in the administration process of distributing these items from an estate. Give The O'Donnell Law Center a call and schedule a meeting to learn more.